Most conversations aren’t really conversations at all. They’re parallel monologues where people wait for their turn to speak whilst mentally preparing their response. In business, this leads to misunderstandings, poor decisions, and fractured relationships.
Team members feel unheard, clients feel misunderstood, and leaders make choices based on incomplete information.
Yet there’s a simple shift that can transform these dynamics: seeking to understand before seeking to be understood. This isn’t just about being polite. It’s about accessing better information, building stronger relationships, and making more effective decisions.
Why Empathic Listening Is Essential For Effective Communication
Empathic listening goes beyond simply hearing words. It’s the practice of fully engaging with another person’s perspective, emotions, and underlying concerns before formulating your response. This approach fundamentally changes the quality of communication because it addresses the human need to be understood. When people feel truly heard, several important things happen:
They share more complete information
Most people initially present only part of their story, especially in professional settings. When they sense genuine interest in understanding their perspective, they provide context, background, and details that might otherwise remain hidden.
They become more receptive to feedback
Someone who feels understood is far more likely to consider alternative viewpoints. The act of empathic listening creates psychological safety that opens people to new ideas and constructive criticism.
Trust builds quickly
Empathic listening demonstrates respect for the other person’s experience and perspective. This respect forms the foundation of trust, which is essential for effective leadership and collaboration.
Conflicts resolve more easily
Many workplace disagreements stem from misunderstanding rather than fundamental differences. When each party feels their position has been genuinely understood, finding common ground becomes significantly easier.
Better decisions emerge
Leaders who understand the full context of a situation, including the human factors, make more informed and effective choices.
How Leaders Can Use Empathic Listening To Improve Teams
Effective leaders understand that their primary job isn’t to have all the answers. It’s to create conditions where the best answers can emerge. Empathic listening is a crucial tool for achieving this.
Gathering Complete Information
When team members bring problems or proposals to you, resist the urge to immediately offer solutions. Instead, ask questions that help you understand not just what’s happening, but why it matters to them, what they’ve already tried, and what constraints they’re facing.
Questions like “Help me understand what’s most frustrating about this situation” or “What would success look like from your perspective?” often reveal information that wouldn’t emerge through standard reporting structures.
Building Psychological Safety
Teams perform best when members feel safe to share ideas, admit mistakes, and ask questions. Leaders who consistently demonstrate empathic listening create this safety by showing that different perspectives are valued and that understanding precedes judgment.
This doesn’t mean agreeing with everything you hear. It means ensuring people feel heard before you share your own views or make decisions.
Improving Decision Quality
Many leadership decisions affect people whose perspectives leaders rarely consider. Empathic listening helps you understand how decisions will impact different stakeholders, what unintended consequences might arise, and what factors you might have overlooked.
For example, before implementing a new process, empathically listening to the people who will use it daily often reveals practical challenges that weren’t apparent from a strategic level.
Strengthening Relationships Across The Organisation
Empathic listening isn’t just for direct reports. When you genuinely seek to understand colleagues, clients, suppliers, and other stakeholders, you build stronger relationships that improve collaboration and results. These relationships become particularly valuable during difficult periods when you need others’ support and cooperation.
Developing Future Leaders
When you model empathic listening, you teach others this crucial skill. Team members who learn to listen empathically become more effective collaborators and leaders themselves, multiplying the positive impact throughout the organisation.
The Challenges Of Understanding Before Being Understood
Despite its benefits, empathic listening is more difficult than it appears. Several common obstacles prevent people from developing this skill effectively.
The Urgency Trap
In fast-paced business environments, taking time to fully understand others’ perspectives can feel like a luxury. There’s constant pressure to move quickly, make decisions, and solve problems. However, the time invested in understanding often saves significant time later by preventing misunderstandings and poor decisions.
Ego And Expertise
Leaders often reach their positions because they’re good at solving problems and making decisions. This success can create confidence that becomes a barrier to listening. When you’re accustomed to being right, it’s tempting to jump to solutions before fully understanding the situation.
Emotional Regulation
Empathic listening requires managing your own emotional reactions whilst focusing on others’ experiences. If someone is criticising your decisions or expressing frustration with your leadership, it’s natural to become defensive. Staying curious rather than defensive takes significant emotional discipline.
Time And Energy Constraints
Genuine empathic listening is mentally demanding. It requires full attention, active processing, and emotional engagement. In busy periods, it’s easier to default to surface-level interactions that feel more efficient in the moment.
Fear Of Losing Authority
Some leaders worry that showing too much interest in others’ perspectives will make them appear indecisive or weak. However, the opposite is typically true. Leaders who understand situations thoroughly before making decisions generally command more respect than those who appear to decide based on incomplete information.
Developing Your Empathic Listening Skills
Like any leadership capability, empathic listening improves with deliberate practice and feedback.
Start With Genuine Curiosity
Approach conversations with authentic interest in understanding the other person’s experience. Ask yourself: “What might I learn from this person’s perspective that I don’t currently understand?”
Use Reflective Responses
Periodically summarise what you’ve heard to confirm your understanding: “So if I understand correctly, you’re saying that…” This demonstrates that you’re listening actively and gives the other person a chance to clarify or expand.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Instead of questions that can be answered with yes or no, ask questions that invite explanation: “What’s your experience been with this process?” “How do you see this affecting your team?”
Manage Your Internal Dialogue
Notice when you’re planning your response whilst the other person is speaking. When this happens, consciously redirect your attention to understanding their message.
Practice Patience
Allow for pauses and silence. People often need time to fully articulate their thoughts, especially about complex or emotional topics.
The Leadership Impact Of Better Communication
Leaders who master empathic listening often find that their effectiveness increases across multiple dimensions. They make better decisions because they have more complete information. They build stronger teams because people feel valued and understood. They navigate conflicts more successfully because they understand all parties’ concerns.
Most importantly, they create organisations where communication flows more freely, problems surface earlier, and solutions emerge from collective wisdom rather than individual brilliance.
This shift from being the leader with all the answers to being the leader who creates conditions for the best answers to emerge is fundamental to leading effectively in complex, rapidly changing environments.
The next time you’re in a conversation where you feel the urge to immediately share your perspective or solution, pause. Ask yourself: “Do I fully understand this person’s experience and concerns?” Often, that moment of curiosity will lead to better outcomes for everyone involved.
Thank you for being part of our Business Life community. If this changed how you think about leadership communication, share it with a fellow leader. If there’s a topic you’d like us to explore in future newsletters, we’d love to hear from you. Let’s keep building stronger connections.
Live with purpose,
Kristian Livolsi and the Business Growth Mindset Team
